I wish I had a career where I could write letters to companies all day
A little bit of background:
My very best friend from college and beyond lives in Charlotte, NC but we talk all the time both online and on the phone. She was telling me about doing jigsaw puzzles on the computer and I said "oh I love jigsaw puzzles, but I like the real cardboard ones from the game store" This inspired her to seek out a few puzzles of her own to do at home. She figured she would pop in Wal-Mart while out doing errands. As it turns out the "puzzle and games" aisle didn't have a single real non-electronic puzzle for sale.
Unbelieveable right? She then goes to a speciality game store in a terrifying neighborhood...no puzzles. WTF? I told her if she didn't write and insane preachy letter then I would on her behalf and send it like I'm her. So help me god if they don't send her a free puzzle...
Even walmart.com when you search "puzzle" gets six hits 1 of which isn't even a puzzle but a puzzle piece shaped mirror for a child's room. Skanks for nothing, Wallyworld.
(please give suggestions or corrections....lord knows I don't proofread well and remember I'm pretending to be Erin in Charlotte, NC not Leslie in SF)
***********
To Whom it May Concern:
Your company prides itself as being one stop shopping for the everyday salt-of-the-Earth hardworking American family. The name Wal-Mart conjures images of an oasis where the average man can finally find release from inflating prices and overstimulating consumerism. I imagine a busy mother frolicking joyfully gathering all she needs for the week (while being mindful to watch her head for those pesky "falling prices").
Recently, I have found myself enjoying online jigsaw puzzles. It reminds me of a time when I was a child and this challenging wholesome activity could occupy my family and me for hours. It was time spent away from computers and video games. It promotes logical thinking and boosts problem solving skills. I enjoy progress as much as the next person, but we have all wasted years of our lives in front of computer monitors and television screens. I never considered the fact that jigsaw puzzles had become too archaic and unprofitable even for Wal-Mart's standards.
On July 9th I arrived at Wal-Mart Supercenter at 3240 Wilkinson Blvd. in Charlotte, North Carolina, and super was it not. In addition to a Garden Center, 1-hour photo Center, Subway Sandwich shop, Tire and Lube Center ("that's what she said"), and Portrait Studio, this store had an entire aisle dedicated to "games and puzzles"! I raced forwards to peruse my many choices like a kid in a candy shop only to discover that there was not a single puzzle in sight. Clearly my expectations for the "games and puzzles" aisle were both unrealistic and unfounded. I just assumed that because I was not shopping for something esoteric and obscure (like an exotic bird or a nuclear warhead) my local Wal-Mart would carry it.
It's not as if I have been living under a rock avoiding the computerization of entertainment, but just in case I decided to inspect what kind of entertainment Wal-Mart does endorse for people of all ages. For your "avid hunter" aged 8 years and older you offer up Huntin' 3 Plug N' Play TV game that boasts "new and improved graphics as well as realistic game play". Finally a fantastic way to desensitize young boys to gruesome violence without consequences! You don't even have to leave your home any longer to blow the brains out of a land mammal point blank with a 28 inch rifle!
For the next generation of vain American princesses you offer Digi Makeover Interactive Makeup Kit for $59.82. With this game girls aim a digital camera at their faces and by using computer controls, can apply virtual make-up to themselves or their homely friends. Now this may just be me going crazy, but this sounds suspiciously like what I used to do with the free cosmetic samples my mother would pass along to me to play with as a little girl.
It's really none of my business which toys Wal-Mart offers. I just wanted you to know that not everyone thinks that the future of family-friendly entertainment lies solely in the advancement of technology. All I wanted was a cardboard jigsaw puzzle, a game that doesn't come with batteries, live wires, or assault rifle training. I doubt that I am alone in this sentiment.
So go ahead and make me an appointment at Wal-Mart's Vision Center, because I guess I'm stuck with the glaring light of online jigsaw puzzles.
Sincerely,
Erin
Love the "that's what she said" parenthetical remark. Thanks for the laugh.
Posted by: EmElle | July 10, 2008 at 08:34 AM
amazing. I love writing complaint letters, it makes me happy in a sick and twisted way.
Posted by: JEN | July 10, 2008 at 08:45 AM
A nuclear warhead?! Righteous! This just cements my insane love for you...
Posted by: Sam | July 10, 2008 at 08:45 AM
we usually get our cardboard jigsaw 500 piece puzzles from goodwill. we started buying them because our friend was making an art piece called 500 500 piece puzzles... but sometimes you end up with an extra piece that certainly doesn't belong... i am sure that would never happen under the watchful eye of wallyworld quality control.
Posted by: conflictedthimble | July 10, 2008 at 09:21 AM
Walmart as on "oasis!" That alone is hilarious. Walmart gives me bad, bad mojo. Puzzles are smart for staying away.
Posted by: SGM | July 10, 2008 at 11:54 AM
Wow, I love your letter, however, here in Yuma,Arizona, where within a 50 mile radius are 4 Super Walmarts! with rumours of a fifth one! Pathetic I know, but that is another comment, anyways, I just bought a puzzle, found quite a few in the toy aisle!
Posted by: Ruth | July 10, 2008 at 04:44 PM
freaking hilarious you are indeed! oh and by the way i'm totally crying right now. no puzzles??? sad day this is a sad day
Posted by: Alva Horton | July 12, 2008 at 06:21 AM