Reclaiming Miss Havisham

WTF: Orange

image via The Superficial

This has gotten re-god-damn-diculous

If I looked in the mirror and this is what I saw I would FLIP OUT!  I mean wouldn't you feel really weird out in public?

The Roommate Hunt Continues: the longest post EVAR

When you're 24 years old and about 2400 miles away from home you get life lessons thrown at you around every turn.  Some lessons are harder to stomach than others.  For example, even if I dropped everything and devoted every second to practice, I could still never become a ballerina.  I've accepted that. 

This whole process of trying to find an apartment has been a time of intense introspection.

I'm not a performer!  But I am.  Everyone is.  I find myself strategizing based on the wording of the craigslist ad (CLad) Should I wear my low maintenance Leslie costume of jeans, black turtleneck and sneakers with minimal makeup and glasses?  Should I wear my high-energy hipster costume of a vintage dress and a cardigan with boots?  I can give you my super articulate smart mature scientist routine without uttering a single "um" or "like" or I can give you my energetic fun and joyful spiel punctuated with sarcastic wit and slang.  Do I show up seeming quiet and bookish?  Should I take a huge bong rip before I go or should I go at full speed and energy?  These are all things to consider!  I don't think it's being fake.  Maybe people are a sum of their parts.  It's just like setting your blender to puree instead of mix.

As always I've gone on way too long to set up what I wanted to tell you bitches about.  The apartment I saw last night and the subsequent life lesson:

I'm not the eccentric, quirky free spirit I thought I was.  subtitle: proof you can't completely escape your breeding.

So I went to another apartment viewing last night.  It was another one that I simply do not remember reading an CLad for.  Had I thoroughly read any CLad that described this apartment I would not have bothered to go.  It was just at such a great location.

The scene: HUGE top floor sunny apartment in lower Haight. 

The cast:

1. Leslie (Les)

2. A girl that arrived at the same time as me to the open house.  I smile and say "here to see the apartment?"  other than that I had never seen or spoken with this girl before in my life.  She appears to be circa 25, dressed in all black like it's maybe a job uniform, and is GORGEOUS.  Possibly Indian or middle eastern. (Girl in Black)

3. A woman I would guess is in her early 40s.  Petite, gap between front teeth, wearing a derby hat and a get up that is very Diane Keaton in Annie Hall.  (Hat Lady)

4. A young woman with brown hair circa 25 wearing yoga/spandex pants, tshirt, and headband/sweatband.  Eye makeup is smeared halfway down her face but she looks like she may have just been running or working out.  She seems totally normal (Normal Girl)

5. Tall gay dude with glasses (Glasses) appears to be in his 40s/late 30s

6. Gay dude in a hawaiian shirt.  Salt and pepper hair.  Probably in his 40s.  Different from other gay dude in that he is less of the high maintenance works out all the time type like Glasses.  We'll call him Hawaiian Shirt

Les and Girl in Black enter apartment at the same time.  Hat Lady says good-bye to a couple who is on their way out and rushes forward to great the newcomers.

Hat Lady: HELLO HELLO HELLO!  I'm **** it's nice to meet you! 

Les: Hi I'm Leslie

Girl in Black: I'm *** nice to meet you

Hat Lady: Well I'll give you guys the tour.  Right here to your left is the available room.  It's huge so it's perfect for a couple

Les: Oh we don't know each other we just showed up at the same time

Hat Lady: I hope you two like jazz because a few nights a week the restaurant your window faces has really loud live music. There's no closet but you get one half of the walk-in down the hall. Come on I'll show you the rest of the place. 

Here is just a closet we keep odd and ends [gesturing towards water heater] There is a magic little elf that lives in there that keeps the apartment running!  I'M JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!! [elbow nudges Les and Girl in Black several times and cackles maniacally]

Here is the only bathroom in the place.  I have no idea how they make it work but somehow they manage!  I've just added it up in my head and it doesn't seem to make sense!

Les: I'm sorry, do you live here?

Hat Lady: [blinks] yes who did you think I was?

Les: Oh I was just confused by the way you phrased that.  It sounded like you don't live here.

Hat Lady: [blinks; stares vacantly]

[after a long uncomfortable pause] So here's where Glasses and Hawaiian Shirt's rooms are.  You see they have a connected bedroom living room set up for themselves

Girl in Black: So this isn't a shared living room?

Hat Lady: Oh no no no we are very respectful of each other's space.  Glasses and Hawaiian Shirt pay for both rooms so the living room wouldn't be for you two

Girl in Black: Oh we're not together.  We just showed up at the same time.

[Les stares in frightened awe at the floor-to-ceiling 3-dimensional cylindrical shaped custom shelving structure that very carefully displays a collection of at LEAST 30 pairs of cowboy boots]

Hat Lady: I'll take you to meet the other roommates in the kitchen

[Les and Girl in Black walk into kitchen.  Hawaiian Shirt is sitting on the counter next to the sink.  Normal Girl is sitting on top of the stove.  Glasses is sitting at the kitchen table.  Glasses stands up to shake hands.  Everyone introduces themselves by name.]

Glasses: Okay so we really weren't looking for a couple but it's getting close to July 1st so we've thrown that out the window.  What I want to say right off the bat is NO PARTIES.  If you want to party then do it outside. 

Normal Girl: I mean having a few friends in your room or over for dinner is fine so long as it's quiet after 10pm.  Just common sense stuff really

Glasses: Normal Girl, please don't send mixed signals.  I want them to know they can't be throwing wild parties here all the time.

Les: Oh we're not together we just met on the way in

Glasses: whatever just don't bring the party in here.  It really needs to be quiet after 10 pm.  We have expensive things and we don't want your guests to walk off with them. 

Girl in Black: Um I work and go to school so I definitely don't do any partying.

Glasses: If you HAVE to party we have a nice area downstairs out back but you need to keep the noise level down back there as well.

Les: I work a lot and I'm new to San Francisco.  I don't know enough people to have a party.

Hawaiian shirt: We just want you and your partner to understand that this isn't a party house.  Jesus how old are you?

Les: 24

Glasses: Ugh, GOD

Les: um you guys called me

Glasses: I mean look if you two want to have some of your friends over for a small dinner party that's okay.  We don't want it to seem like we're that strict.  I just don't want weird people over here all the time.  We have expensive things in our room

[Les thinks back to cowboy boot collection]

Hat Lady: Oh don't listen to them.  Have people over all you want just be respectful. 

Normal Girl: Everyone quit scaring them.  We're really not that uptight I swear

Hat Lady: We have a washer/dryer out back did anyone show you that yet?

Les: Nope you were giving the tour...

Glasses: [way louder than necessary] yeah its FUCKING QUARTER OPERATED THOUGH.

Hat Lady: I'm going to go down there I'll be right back [Hat Lady dashes out of back kitchen door]

Glasses: Oh my god I hate her

Girl in Black and Les [uncomfortably] Hahahahahahahahaha....

Glasses, Hawaiian Shirt, Normal Girl: [blink.....blink....vacant looks....silence]

Normal Girl: Yeah sometimes the washer/dryer breaks but there are like three laundromats on the block but we can't go to one of them after being kicked out [looks annoyed towards Glasses]

Les: How do you get kicked out of a laundromat?

Normal Girl: Oh there was this really high guy there throwing powdered laundry detergent and then there was a fight blah blah blah

Glasses: [with serious emphasis] I hate high people at the laundromat

Normal Girl: So when would you two be able to move in.  Are you living together right now?

Les: I don't know her.

Hawaiian shirt: SUDDEN DEATH QUESTIONS! You, [points at Girl in Black] How do you feel about partying?

Girl in Black: Uhhh I don't have time to party

Hawaiian Shirt: Oh good phew!

Glasses: DAMNIT, now the other one knows the answer we're looking for!

Les: Oh I mean I got a sense of the rules but I like I said it's a non-issue for me really

Glasses: Look we just think that if you two do a lot of partying we prefer you to do it out there and not in here.

Les: [exasperated] I understand.

[Hat Lady returns]

Hat Lady: DID ANYONE TELL THEM ABOUT HOW THERE'S NO CLOSET?

Hawaiian Shirt: Look we're nice, respectful roommates and are just looking for the same and we just want to make sure we find someone similar to pay rent on time.  We all like to have a good time but we just want to keep the party out of here.  You two seems like really serious hard working partners.  You know there is more in life!  Relax, ladies!

Glasses: NO PARTIES!!

Hat Lady: sorry I was gone someone catch me up.  Seriously if you want to have a small party in your room that's totally fine.  One of you would just need to let the rest of the house know ahead of time.  Do you guys have any questions for us?

Les: I can only speak for myself but I think I have a pretty good idea of the rules here.  I'll get out of your way.  Thanks for showing me the apartment.

Glasses: Oh my gosh you make us sound so stern!  They aren't "rules"!!!

Les: Okay well thank you!  Nice to meet you all!

[Les exists the room.  Talking in kitchen continues]

Normal Girl: Oh my god did they not come here together?

End Scene

If you are still reading this let me just tell you that I did not embellish that.  I filled in where I couldn't remember exact orders of things and quotes but while it was happening I was thinking the entire time "Oh man this is going on the blog"  Turns out everything I thought I knew about diverse living in San Francisco flew out the window.  This.  This I just cannot do.

I always liked to think of myself as open minded, eccentric, and accepting of quirks.  I always thought that despite my southern pedigree I was way more Hunter S. Thompson than Doris Duke.  I mean I'm the only one in my family that doesn't say "oriental" when referring to asian people and I'm not terrified by Obama's ambiguous muslim heritage.  I didn't join a sorority in the fear that I was missing out on something and a 2 carat diamond ring is not my most important goal before the age of 25.  And that is nothing to sneeze at considering I am a product of the same societal incest (not familial incest...nashville is not in west virginia) and private conservative schooling that produced this disaster:

Dress: $350

Hat: $150

bucket: $8.99

gin: $30

tailgating: $150 (a guess)

Getting black out drunk before 2 pm and not watching a single second of the horse race the animals have to pay for with their bodies: Priceless

Devotees to this blog will remember me discussing the Silver Sage Mafia. For you I offer up the following gem:

 

because why have 5 bridesmaids when you can have 11.

*******IMPORTANT**********

G & N,

If for any reason you ever stumble across this blog entry which is highly highly unlikely, I am REALLY sorry for taking pictures from your facebook profiles and using them here to make fun of you. It's really not personal I was just trying to illustrate a point. I've always thought you were both sweet girls even though I haven't seen either of you since high school graduation and I know this is a real asshole move so I pray you never see it. I've redacted all the faces so I hope I'm covered. Sorry for being a huge bitch.

Celebrity Stalking: harmless hobby or straight up mental illness?

hey bitches,

I was just poking around E! Online (don't ask) and I came across something that jumped out as being peculiar.  Correct me if I'm wrong, because this could just be from the paint I've been huffing, but this is weird, n'est-ce pas?

Angelina Jolie's Best Body Parts: Our Top 9

I don't know if it's the grainy close-up photograph mosaic or if it's the fact that her uterus made the list, but I'm disturbed.  It's almost as if we're peering into the dark nether regions of the soul of a madman...who writes celebrity gossip. 

Even the frothy pink poptarts that read E! Online (I have an excuse I swear!) were creeped out.  Much like trying to decide which materials are too obscene to be sent through the mail, the threshold for "going too far" is hard to define but I know it when I see it.  This is strange.

read the article and skim the comments for sure

On the record: I think this is probably just a space filling goof and they'll shrug it off "oops I guess that wasn't a good story idea after all"

Off the record: Sleep with one eye open, Angelina. [holding your pillow tight]

More Fun with Craigslist

Oh my god this looking for a place to live shit-show is getting out of hand.  It's worse than a job interview because when you get chosen over, it IS personal.  I haven't had anywhere I liked enough to have my feelings hurt yet though. 

The thing is, the people looking and I are all pretty much the same.  Mid-twenties, employed, white, straddling that fine line between hipster and trixie. So you feel all this pressure to do something extreme to make yourself stand out.  I just got back from an open house.  Let me tell you what, I wouldn't want to live with the geniuses who thought that would work.  I was in there with like 10 other people competing for the attention of the tenants to ask questions.  It was a hot tranny mess all over the place. 

Oh yeah and they had a giant bong on the table.  I mean I don't give a fuck who has a bong and how big it is but come onnnn.  You're inviting all these strangers into your home you'd think they'd put away the more blatantly illegal decor. 

The most amusing development happened when I received an unexpected rejection e-mail.  I didn't remember ever even meeting anyone with the name it was sent from.  Turns out I never even saw this place; they rejected me based on my inquiry e-mail.  Okay so I go back to craigslist and try to find the ad.  I respond to basically every ad that falls within $8-11 hundred in lower haight, haight ashbury, hayes valley, alamo square/nopa, and cole valley/ashbury heights.  I can't possibly remember every single ad so I just figure I had a reason for inquiring when I show up to see the place.  I have a copy+paste paragraph I have written about myself I send everywhere.  I'll show you that later maybe get some opinions. 

So you know how a lot of times after you click a link it changes color when you see it again so you know it's something you've already seen?  Well when I finally find the ad I'm rejected for it looks like I've never even opened the link.  The fact that I don't remember any of this may mean I should drink a little less but that is a problem for a whole 'nother day.  Let me share with you some of the details of this ad and you can judge for yourself how awesomely I would have fit in here (I smell a reality show!):

- Our living room has a good setup with 3 black leather couches, 42 inch flat screen, surround sound, and bar table for eating.

Let me explain that to you in a visible way. 

1.

eww!

2.

EWW!

3.

I work at a rat death camp and even I don't have this much animal blood on my hands.

Onwards!

About the room

- The room is large. Tons of floor space for your Bowflex, yoga mat, bike or anything else.
- The closet is equally large for all of your fits, whether it be a dress, button-down or your favorite hoodie
-The room has one large window which lets in amble natural sunlight

Okay when was the last time anyone has heard anything from the bowflex people?  I mean let me just dig out my baby doll slip dresses over tshirts with chunky mary jane heels and we can watch My So Called Life and pick up something at the Benneton on the way to Lillith Fair.

My friend pointed out to me the "amble sunlight" typo. 

About the roommates/in the apartment

- Three guys in their mid 20's originally from the Bay Area who are all friends, all went to top colleges and work in finance or google. Really cool and down to earth. Definitely not a "closed door" atmosphere, we spend most of our time hanging out in the living room.

- Likes: All sports, comedy clubs, bbqs, socializing

- Politics - we are Democrats leaning towards Obama. Open to other views. Lots of conversations about the election.

- Drinking on weekends with the hip hop blaring before we go out.

Oh man if there are two things I'm into it's fucking sports and comedy clubs.  I'm also a little concerned about them forming a political opinion as a single apartment unit.  I think the votes will be more effective if we all vote individually.  But I'm not a mathematician.  I'd also give that blaring hip hop thing about two weekends before I ended up like this:

Oh yeah and the rejection email:

Leslie -

Thank you for your interest but I think our needs are best met by another individual.

Happy hunting.

WELL apparently I'm not meeting anyone's needs lately.  I must not be in tune with their unique way of life.  From what I can infer from this ad what these boys NEED is a rubbermaid trash can full of Hunch Punch and some broad spectrum antibiotics.  I imagine them to be a perfect blend of:

and
 

last post of the day- I promise

problogger says that overloading people with posts is a turn off.  I just have a 1230948120498 mph brain and not much work to do today.  I'll try to not post every five seconds in the future when I GET A LIFE.

But first: This gal is my best friend.  She barks like a dog.  Notice the pig paint on her back?  Yeah that's right...pig paint.  I did it.  I wanted to give them all kiss make up but I decided that would be disrespectful to the pigs.  I have like three bosses but these gals are really who I work for and why I'm here:

OH YEAH and I took a picture with my phone of my new flapper haircut:

It's so hard to take a photo of yourself with the iPhone.  when the touch screen is faced away from you, you end up taking about 10 pictures of the inside of your ear before one works

IT'S THE WEEKEND AND IT'S A MILLION DEGREEEES!!!

Just don't say "fish taco" to me

I was just screwballing around on etsy since it's too hot to work and I came across diaper sushi.  Let me just say that when I saw the title "diaper sushi" I let out a very loud high pitched "SAY WHAAAA?!?!" like a sassy black girl in one of those martin lawrence movies where he plays every character.  Does that sound racist?  You know what will be racist is when I hear someone on fox news say it.  "a black muslim for president?  say whaaaaa?!"

It reminds me of being in Paris in 2000 (I remember the year because that is when the Great Cacahuetes Scam of 2000 happened....more on that another day) and buying at the market what soon got renamed by me "diaper cheese" and I didn't know why I called it that but in retrospect I believe it's because it looked smelled and tasted like Desitin. 

Since I couldn't eat the diaper cheese without gagging my two friends who had come on the trip with me and I attached a ton of parachute men to the cheese and sent it out the window (probably an asshole move now that I think about it...sorry french people...I hope I'm not single handedly responsible for shaky US/French international relations bc I sent diaper cheese tied to a bunch of toys out the window of the Hotel Rochambeau)

Oh my god what the fuck was I talking about?  Right, diaper sushi.  Okay so if my older sis or any of my girlfriends even THINK about having a baby any time soon I will go carnival freak insane on their asses.  But after that, I would give them one of these!

custom diaper sushi kit $85 from jkalea

Have you ever seen anything so diabetic coma inducing cute? It makes me want to slap you across the face its so cute. 

Big Sashimi Sushi & California Roll (TM) ingredients:
 Handmade sushi mini-lovey (17"x17") by LuLusWoobies
10-14 Pampers Swaddlers diapers, size 1 (8-14 lbs)
Fun fish friend (Ty brand, safe for all ages)
Three onesies or other clothing pieces
 Soothies brand infant pacifiers (the BEST) (unisex)
 Acrylic & Bamboo Soba Noodle Plates (reusable)
Chopsticks (reusable)
Felt ‘ginger’ and ‘wasabi’
Decorative sushi grass

For $30 there is this washcloth sushi set:

Washcloth Sushi TM Set includes:
Tako (green octopus finger puppet)
Kurodai (red & white striped snapper fish finger puppet)
Three sushi rolls (washcloth with felt center)
Five white Gerber baby washcloths
Grosgrain 'Seaweed' - hand-stitched!
Felt Ginger & Felt Wasabi - hand-stitched!
Reusable Chopsticks (color may vary from photo)
Bamboo & Acrylic Soba Noodle Plate (completely reusable!), 7.5"x7.5" square
Plastic decorative grass

Maybe these things are old news but I was tres tres impressed!

King for a Day

When I first noticed the trend of royalty and crowns pop up in design, decor, art I liked it right away.  I didn't even put together the fact that my last name being King, it would be especially fun for me.  Here are my etsy favs:

crowns and coronet tags from The Paper Pixie

crowning glory necklace from Elizabeth Franson Designs

Blessed Mother of Good Fortune collage art print from Doll Face Design

Crown print from French Poppy Greetings

mounted rubber stamp from terbear collectibles

How's that flavor taste going down?  Pretty good right?  Here's some more:

Table, chandelier and doormat via Things that Inspire

image via Creature Comforts the photograph is taken of the apartment of that great swizzle stick of a whore Gwyneth Paltrow.  She's one of those celebrities I really love to hate on.  She just seems so joyless and tense and overly concerned about being elegant and Grace Kelly-esque.  I want her to just eat a cheeseburger and rip a huge fart or something to prove that something didn't crawl up her flappy ass and died.  I've seen her ass (Great Expectations) and trust me...it's flappy.

**It was agonizing choosing a title for this post.  There are just so many puns.  Fit for a king/queen, crown moulding, royal treatment, king for a day, it's good to be king, crown prince, drag queen, king of the jungle, queen bee, royal highness, I just can't wait to be king, crowning glory...I know there are more I can't remember

I think I would make an excellent addition to the house!

So I've been looking for new living arrangements since le break-up.  When this all went down my first thought was "fuck it I'll move back to Nashville" but then I realized that I would rather go through 20 break-ups than have to leave a place like San Francisco for a place like Nashville.  No offense bible belters, I'm just not interested in wearing linen pants, joining the junior league and going to Steeple Chase every year in giant hats (nothing against giant hats I just prefer my giant hats to be of the silly persuasion and not the for real southern persuasion)

Also, I've only lived alone or with the boyfriend.  My roommate in the dorms freshmen year of college moved out to live with her boyfriend in September so I was alone there too.  I'm always jealous of how much fun my friend Brandon's house is.  He lives in an ENORMOUS victorian flat in the Haight with three other girls.  There are always people there, always something going on, and it's just fun.  I figure I can only do that when I'm this age.  Eventually I'll be married and stealing african babies like Angelina.  I made the executive decision to go the Craigslist route to find a room for rent in a house full of young hooligans like myself.

I figured this would be a cinch, right?  I mean I'm the one trying to write a check to fill these people's vacant rooms to make up the rest of rent.  I can accomplish this task in a week or two, right? 

Oh no.  The whole process is a combination of Sorority Rush Week and the reality television sensation The Bachelor.  It makes sense.  We'd be sharing a living space together.  So if you ever wanted to know about finding roommates on craigslist, here's been my experience so far:

Apartment 1:  5 people currently living there.  Upping the number to 6.  Really inexpensive rent.  No common area (converted to bedroom)  I met three out of 5 of the roommates which consisted of a bandana over the head garage band guy, a butch asian lesbian (presumably), and a blond bitch (presumably)  Apartment was filthy (REALLY filthy), band guy says he plays guitar but quiets down around 1 or 2 am, whole place smells like body odor and indian food.  There is no furniture.  None.  Everyone sleeps on a mattress on the floor in their room.

Apartment 2: beautiful apartment, nice roommates, room was way too small with no closet, was turned down by email the following day but I didn't care.  The size of the room would be better suited for a guy without a lot of clothes

Apartment 3: I really liked this one.  It was a guy, a girl, and a boston terrier.  I thought I got along really well with the two people and the space for rent was a bedroom with an attached office (HUGE) and they had a great backyard.  They denied EVERYONE by email (they forgot to blind carbon copy the 25 of us that went to see the place) which to me makes THEM seem fussy and crazy.  I mean what the fuck?  I would have written them a check right there.  I'm sure others would have too.  They didn't like anyone out of that batch?  whatever.

Apartment 4:  Bleak, stark, no furniture, nothing on the walls, tacky overweight latina girl wearing cat eye makeup in the middle of the day. I have nothing in common with 2 bedroom haight victorian.  The place bummed me out and I couldn't leave fast enough. 

Apartment 5: cool place cool neighborhood cool roommates.  I chatted for a while, there seems to be a ton of interest in this place though so I'm not going to hold my breath.  I accidentally talked too much about my job.  Must remember that no one wants to hear about sheep surgery except me.

I've got one today and one th is weekend.  Someone will adopt me eventually.  It's just turning out to be a lot bigger ordeal than I imagined.

Irish flu

my friend and doppleganger at Miss Havisham's Tea Party alerted me to this a while ago.  I have to say this is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while.  I mean the look on that guy's face!!  Way done alka seltzer for not only making a product I've enjoyed for years (especially AS morning relief) but for creating a great ad from the heart.  Clearly, whoever made this got it exactly right. 

I would do anything for love

but I won't do THAT

When people make big life changes, it becomes really tempting to reinvent yourself.  Like Madonna.  Or Ashlee Simpson's face.  I've done some new things.  I went to an art opening for a friend of a friend.  It was pretty bad but I'm glad I tried.   I've been walking more, doing more city exploration.  In my attempt to keep things fresh and take them to the maxxxxx there are still the same old deal breakers.  There are things I cannot and will not tolerate and/or take part in.  Keep in mind if anything on this list is your favorite thing EVAR, it doesn't mean I dislike you or disrepsect you.  These things may be right for you but they have never and will never be right for me. 

1. Strapless

You know that little bit of fat and skin that even really thin people have on their chest right at the armpit that hangs over the top of your strapless top?  It's called border patrol and it's going on the ballot. 

2. Shorts

Okay so this looks alright on the model or whatever but pop these babies on anyone else in the entire world and I can't stop thinking about Counselors at Christian summer camps who have after dark sexual experimentation with the other khaki shorts clad do-gooder girls

3. Gladiator Sandals

why.  WHY?  I'm owed at the least an explanation as to why anyone needs that many straps to keep a piece of ply board strapped to their flipper stumps

4. Vodka

whoever it was that said this stuff doesn't have a smell or a taste needs to see a doctor immediately.

5. Going easy on people who support PETA

Dita Von Teese used to be one of my very favorite celebrities.  She's beautiful, glamorous, and single handedly revived Burlesque, a movement that values sensuality and sultry over slutty and skanky.  Unfortunately she's also stupid.  This ad probably seemed like a good move from a PR standpoint.  It looks like she's using her image for a good cause right?  While she probably knows PETA as vocal opponents of fur in fashion, corruption in the slaughter industry, and domestic animal abuse and neglect, she may not know that PETA just as staunchly opposes no-kill animal shelters and animal testing in medical research.   Additionally, PETA has repeatedly and unapologetically aided the Animal Liberation Front (ALF) who encourages and carries out acts of violence and destruction on medical buildings and farming equipment.

Does she know that without animal testing we wouldn't have penicillin, injectable insulin, organ transplant techniques, the electrocardiogram, pacemakers, vaccines and treatment for polio, diphtheria, typhus, small pox, chicken pox, tetanus, yellow fever, bubonic plague, rubella, measles, mumps, typhoid, cholera, meningitis, pertussis and hepatitis A.   That is only a small fraction of the benefits.  If anyone in my family were to get sick, I would feel better knowing that I never took my clothes off for an organization that wants to stand in the way of the advancement of medicine. Does she not remember how PETA insensitively compared eating meat to "the Holocaust on your plate", or how they repeatedly have compared their movement to the civil rights movement of African-Americans.

And also clearly PETA's values are open to compromise given the right public figure.  Anna Wintour gets a pie in the face for her use of fur but Diva von Teese gets this good press for herself splashed across the glossys?  Hardly seems fair considering the fact that von Teese wears fur ALL THE TIME and is vocal about her collection of vintage fur.  I wouldn't want to support an organization that flakey.

 So many people tell me to just get over it and celebrities are dumb.  It's bigger than that for me.  It's unforgivable to support something you know nothing about especially when you're using your celebrity to raise awareness for a group that are eco-terrorists liars, and manipulators.

Sorry that took a turn for the worse.  I want to go home and drink some wine.  WEEEEEE