Reclaiming Miss Havisham

Freedom Isn't Free

OMG OMG OMG!!!!1!11!!134#$@% First, I'm not a lawyer and I don't know how many of you are familiar with the Freedom of Information Act but my legal counsel, Ignatius King-Stauffer, esq. has summed it up for me as follows:



The Freedom of Information Act means that any dumbass journalist from a poorly respected publication and knows LESS than nothing about medical and scientific research can send you a request for copies of documents and basically shit all over your WORLD.

I just wrote a ton more about it but I had to delete it because I'm super scared now.  I understand why the law is there (sorta...I'm hella dumb...reading legal text makes me start drooling with stupidity) but I don't understand why it has to be used against ME.  ME ME ME.  So for the next 6-8 weeks I may be getting paid $50/hour to sit at kinkos copying hundreds of thousands of documents for a man I've found through google may be loosely affiliated with PETA (don't even get me started....)

I'M MAD I'M MAD I'M MAD!!!!  I've probably said way too much and will delete this later.  If you are interested in hearing more about this latest devastation in my world you can email me and i'll give you an ear full. 

Now on to something fun:

I always give credit where credit is due, and this time Apartment Therapy deserves some credit for showing me Mildred Lane, an artist colony/experiment in Pennsylvania.  The official website offers this up for an explanation:

"What is different about Mildred's Lane is that it conscientiously functions entirely to reassemble the connections between researching, working, making and living centered on a new pedagogical model. This unusual program affords participants the ability to collaborate in the production of large-scale research driven art projects within a truly transdisciplinary environment. In addition to the project work, the curriculum is based on experimentally rethinking modes of living. As a participant one will experience an ever-changing group of international project artists and become active in every stage of the production, theory, research, construction and documentation of each of the projects that are part of the program of this new contemporary art museum and historical site."

Okay I'm starting to feel the drool form again at the corner of my mouth after reading that (hella dumb, remember?)  Anyways the people over at AT describe the house as "a steampunk version of the anthropologie store"

....

......wait....did I just read that right?  A steampunk version of the anthropologie store lets just sit here and let the magic of those words dance around in our imaginations. 

A steampunk version of anthropologie.  Folks, something very special just happened in my pants.  I think they call it "the awakening" 

Let's take a look:













Oh my god this photo is so beautiful I'm going to post it twice.



Photos from The New York Times

Things We Save- Erin

Erin from Elements of Style sends the following:




I picked up this ceramic glove mold at an antique show for 10 bucks. My husband thought I was nuts, but I love the smooth white ceramic and the way it sits on my mantle saying hi to everyone

This photo is of our family store (women's clothing and accessories) in the 1930's.  Opened by my great grandfather and run by my grandfather and father, it was a point of pride and inspiration to me.  I love the fact that this window was all about the "newfangled" bra- and I love the skeleton....random and fabulous.



This mirror was in my husband's grandfather's house for ages- he gave ti to us when he moved out of his home. I have another like it that I painted with glossy white enamel in my bedroom.


Above my bed I have framed cuts of some hand screened vintage wallpaper from the 60's.  A former pattern designer for Schumacher and Brunschwig and Fils lived in my parents' town and when he passed left all his back stock of hand screened papers to my dad. I'm selling them now in my Etsy store, and soon on Ebay.  I absolutely LOVE them, but have gobs of it.


A painting an ex-boyfriend got me that my husband HATES. I love it. It was my first "real" art purchase.  It is a model for a large wall mural that the artist painted. It is on hinges and closes with a latch.


This faux bamboo dining set was on my grandma's screen porch FOREVER.  When she passed away no one seemed to think it was of any value, and I jumped at the chance.  I painted it glossy black and love having it on my patio.

This dining set was given to us by, again, my husband's grandparents. I painted the chairs glossy white and had them re-upholstered in zebra linen with silver nailheads.  The buffet is also from them, originally from Asia as well.


This is my prized herloom/vintage jewelry-  (from left) a vintage cage pendant necklace I got for $1, a double strand coin necklace from my husband's maternal grandmother, a sun charm from my mother, ruby and diamond earrings made from my husband's paternal grandmother's bracelet (a pair was given to all the women in the family), vintage black glass necklace and a great cuff bracelet my grandmother got in Asia.



I found these french turquoise wine goblets at an antique show and had to have them.  They make such a statement in my pantry cabinets.

This is my prized possession.  My husband's maternal grandmother wore a charm bracelet with a charm for every grandchild on it, purchased at their birth.  When she passed, his grandfather took the charms off and gifted them to each grandchild (lots of tears during that). My husband gave me his and I wear it on a chain.  You can barely make out his name, and birth date (on the other side).

These antique chinese shutters were given to us by my husband's cousin for our wedding.  She runs a fabulous antiques shop in Hudson, NY and she knew I coveted them.  They now hang in our guest bedroom above the bed.

Some of the angst-ridden artwork I did for my senior thesis show in college. Speaks to my past and can't bear to toss it.

Thanks Erin!

Writing for television is hard.

 Photo courtesy of someone really bad at photoshop

This post is a part of a series of posts from my personal archives of insanity at www.lefora.com.  In this post, I've written an episode of House, MD:

A college professor is teaching a class when he keels over and is bleeding from the eyeballs and shouting obscenties. A student tries to help him but gets punched in the face by the now seizing professor

Opening Credits

House: Okay we've got a 47 year old male bleeding from the eyeballs and punching people out. Let's make a list of ideas that I am going to call stupid. You three run those tests while I verbally harass the patient until I find out what he's lied about. I'm really hot by the way.

Foreman: It's toxoplasmosis! I'm going to cut his head open and dig around with an ice cream scoop!

House: You are dumber than a box of kittens, GO DO IT!

Cameron: I think he's depressed. I'm going to go get in bed and cuddle him.

House: You obviously have some serious ass issues. GO DO IT!

Chase: I'm also really really hot so I'm going to suggest vasculitits! I think I should give him a lumbar puncture for fun.

House: I hate you most of all. If I had a knife I would tear out your insides and make you eat them. GO DO IT!

team goes to perform tests. House takes a handful of vicodin and wanders off to spike Wilson's coffee with sodium thiopentathol

Foreman: Okay we all performed our tests even though we are not lab technicians, surgeons, or particularly adept at cuddling. We were all wrong.

House: Duh, I knew that the whole time. You are all so useless it makes me want to set myself on fire. Clearly the patient has Superextra microscopic African bloody eyeballosis. There was an experimental treatment performed in the Ukraine where you give the patient LSD and take him to the aquarium until he flips out.

Cuddy walks in wearing a mini skirt, thigh high vinyl boots, and a leather corset

Cuddy: You can't do that in my hospital! YOu have to take me seriously even though I'm super foxy and dress like a whore!

House: I'll do it and you'll just have to GROOVE ON IT. Everyone knows that medicine is 20% science, 80% hilarity. Now you march your luscious melons right out of my orifice.

Wilson (drugged and lurking in the background): BA-ZING!

House and team return from aquarium with fish souvenirs and shark fin hats

Cuddy: What happened to the patient! We're going to be sued!

House: He died so we left him there. Oops. LOL. Don't worry no one sues hot people.

Cuddy: Oh house you're sooooo zaney!

everyone laughs....patient family weeps in background

End Scene.

______________________________________________________________________________

While I'm here I should mention that if my sphere of existance is flooded with  any more images of Sarah Jessica Parker's face, muscley arms, or ridiculously huge gowns in the middle of the day I will find the person responsible and I will chomp their head off.  Much like this:

Tiger Rant

This post is a series of posts from my personal archives at another site, www.lefora.com.  In this particular post, I go ballistic over the tiger attacks at the San Francisco zoo:

Because it's my birthday, I decided to take a cab to work. On the local radio there was a discussion about the Christmas Day Tiger Massacre. The DJ was going over the story and some recent developments. For starters, the Wildlife Protection Agency (WPA) recommends AT LEAST a 16 foot high wall for large cats. The one at the San Francisco zoo was 12.5 feet. Note that large female tigers are on average 8 feet long already.

They had a soundbyte from the zoo director saying "well we have annual inspections and no one ever noted the deficiency" This is like me saying "I have friends over all the time and they never noticed I keep bodily remains in my freezer" As someone who works in ethics and compliance, I'm so sick of the attitude that it's up to someone else to force you to do the right thing for other living creatures. Maybe I'll just keep killing people until someone makes me stop.

What really is grinding my gears though is this probe into the character of the victims. Some genius decided to go interview the neighbors of the victims (two were brothers and the deceased was a friend I believe) Of course! Let's ask the neighbors! Not only where they not at the zoo at the time of the attack, know anything about tiger attacks, and likely have only passing judgements of the victims, so they are the perfect interviewees! Apparantly the victims were "troublemakers" and "only cared about their own pleasure"

whoa whoa whoa hold the phone. You mean to tell me that a group of 17 year old boys are capable of causing trouble?! This cannot possibly true. I was 17 once and the boys I knew certain didn't enjoy pleasure. In fact, they hated pleasure! Trouble and pleasure were the two things I thought 17 year old boys hated the most!

Since the interview with the neighbors was so obviously a slam dunk, they decided to check into any possible criminal record. Bingo! Apparantly one or all of them has a history of public drunkness and disorderly conduct. Again, I have never in my life considered this kind of behavior is possible in teenage boys. Clearly they were just genetic mistakes, bad seeds, bad eggs. They were lucky all that happened to them was a tiger attack! They MUST have done something awful to make the tiger do that. I mean tigers are known for being the most friendly, sweet, reasonable, and cuddly of the large undomesticated carnivorous predators. I mean Sigfried and Roy have used tigers in their show for years and nothing bad ever happened...

OH WAIT IT TOTALLY DID!

My point here (and I do have one) is that this is the San Francisco Zoo's problem. Dragging the reputation of the victims through the mud is tacky and disrespectful. Those poor distraught parents having to listen to the news shrugging outrage because the boys may or may not have been taunting the tiger. Can you imagine if a family member died and you have to listen to the whole country be like "well he shouldn't have been doing that..."

It's a zoo. We've all been to the zoo. I'm not too keen on incarcerating animals for spectacle, but that's a rant for another day. Personally I think we should capture some marina girls and study their behavior. We would provide them with mystic tan, strapless dresses that cost $350 for 2 yards of spandex blend fabric and 2 straight lines of machine stitching. We'd feed them sashimi and apple martinis and pump top 40 rap music into their cages. During mating season we provide them suited lawyers, advertising exec, and investment bankers. I've digressed....

The zoo is where people bring their children. It's light years more education than taking them to play lasar tag (do people still do that or am I officially old?) and anywhere you take children it's not unreasonable to expect a certain degree of safety. Boys will be boys. Kids will be kids. People will be people. Tigers will be tigers. I don't care if Adolf Hitler was getting a piggy back ride from Satan and dangling a gazelle carcass over the tiger pit. THERE SHOULD BE NO WAY THIS COULD HAVE HAPPENED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. And one could argue that if the boys were provoking the tiger by dangling their legs, this could have been a preventable accident. We don't even know if they were doing that. Personally I think a better argument is had the San Francisco Zoo provided the recommended height wall between visitors and the EXTREMELY LARGE PREDATORY ANIMALS this really wouldn't have happened.

One would still be alive, two wouldn't be maimed and the tiger, who was only acting on her own tigerness would still be alive for hundreds to enjoy and learn from and possibly perpetuate the rare and beautiful species.

 

I'm gonna betchslap you shetbag

I've been going through some hard personal stuff recently.  I'm getting better, things are settling down.  I actually just put my depression on hold for a two minute shakira dance party with some co-workers.

Two years ago, I would have really relished being sad and upset.  I would draw it out and really wallow in my misery.  I'd stay in bed and not eat for a few days and drink myself into oblivion while writing threatening letters to my neighbors (true story).  I've had a taste of the good life.  I'm just so much better when I'm wacky happy Leslie.  I'm using all of my cunning to pull myself out of this stupid situation I'm in and power through but not just bottling up anger and hurt.  I believe I am adequately addressing it. 

I was on a plane from Italy once and each seatback had a tv screen with a few options for inflight entertainment.  After I had watched the CSI team pull finger prints off of the air for four straight hours I broke down and watched this dumbass movie In Her Shoes with Cameron Diaz, making it 1 of 3 Cameron Diaz movies I've subjected myself to on airplanes.  (I'm not ready to even talk about The Holiday disaster of 2007 yet)  One part stuck out in my mind though.  One of those bitches says something about how when you're down and you want to perk yourself up shoes are always the perfect self present.  I couldn't agree more.  When art and home furnishings are too expensive and heavy, clothes make you feel weird about your body, jewelry is something you receive as presents most times, shoes always fit and always make you excited.  The affinity for shoes is encoded on the second X chromosome.  That's just biology.  Look it up, dummy.

Here is a look at the silver lining on my past few years of battling depression:

Luckily I'm a cheap date (sometimes) and my most recent addition are these stompers from a consignment/vintage store up the street for 15 clams

I had to poke my own hole in the sling back to make them fit my midget feet, but such is life. 

This is the most important video you'll ever see.

The point of all of this is I have not really been feeling motivated to write anything.  And since I know all 10 or so of you wake up and say "Hot Damn!  I can't wait to take a dip into Leslie's pool of fanciful wisdom" I couldn't live without if I denied you of my antics.  So I will be posting some of my past postings from the lefora forum I participate in.  So it's like I'll be posting but without any actual work or thinking being done.

How does that flavor taste going down? 

Things We Save- Courtney

Courtney sends me the following:




"The Bertoia chairs used to be in the bank where my Dad worked in the 70s. When the bank remodeled, he took 6 of the chairs home because my parents were in need of patio furniture. 30 years later, I saved them from their rusty state and cleaned them up a bit. I love that they've been a part of our family for so long."




"The vintage cocktail set was bought online from Austin Modern (http://www.austinmodern.com/) and just screams of a party. I found the house vase in the fields of Round Top, TX. I paid way too much for it ($35 in Round Top seems steep when $10 scores are lurking in every corner!), but I couldn't put it down. I carried it for over 20 minutes before I finally decided it had to come home with me."



"This vintage leg cast is a little "Ripley's Believe It or Not-ish." I like pieces that strike conversation and humor."





"My Mom gave this to me when I was living in New York. My Grandfather, Arthur Ory, used to own an appliance store in Louisiana and sold Fedders Air Conditioners. In 1958 he won a trip to New York City for selling the most air conditioners in his region. They put his name in lights on Broadway, seen here with my Mom and Grandmother. This picture makes me so proud of my Grandpa and nostalgic for my days in the city!"



"My husband couldn't have picked a more perfect engagement ring. His father gave this to his mother the day my husband was born. He also had "JJ" inscribed on the inside, my husband's nickname. Rubies are my birthstone, so the ring is beyond perfect. The diamond pendant was given to me on my wedding day. My other grandparents used to own a jewelry shop in downtown Baton Rouge. When the shop closed, my Grandmother took these loose diamonds. My Uncle had the pendant made and gave it to me on my wedding day."


"My Uncle was an antique dealer and I used to love raiding his shop whenever I would go home. I originally purchased this amazing vintage collar necklace thinking I would have no place to wear it, but I've somehow managed to work it into a myriad of outfits. It's a knockout."



"I found these life-size King and Queen porcelain chess statues in Austin, TX at a garage sale. When I told my husband there was no way we could go home without them, he almost fell out but eventually grew to love them as much as I do. Sadly our very large dog got excited one afternoon and sent the King tumbling down our outdoor stairs. But the Queen still greets us each time we come home."



"

Found this Genetics poster in a prop shop on New York's Houston Street. Oversized wall hangings draw me in like a moth to a flame! I'm obsessed."

"After a long night of drinking in Fredericksburg, TX, we spotted this vintage typewriter-turned-light perched on the bar's wall. At 2AM we purchased it and immediately knew it belonged over our medical cart bar. The LSU football player whiskey bottle belonged to my Uncle. Both my husband and I attended LSU and we practically bleed purple and gold. If my husband were to take anything material with him when he passes, it would probably be the football player. Filled with Maker's Mark."


"this vintage grape washer was one of Anthropologie's found objects. I gave it to our husband for our first anniversary and we planted strawberries in it. Well, they didn't last long, as you can see. We're on to basil now."






















"I bought these old hotel door numbers in the date of our anniversary, "4" "20" "5" We were married 4.2.05. I have them placed above each bedroom's light switch."


Um Courtney I'm  kinda  jealous of your house to the point where I'm pissed off about it.  I like the  wholesome family photo over the fish guts.  And the typewriter on the wall?  You are nuttier than a god damn fruitcake.  And I like it.  Here at RMH we like to wear our mental illnesses and quirks on our sleeves.

I love posting this stuff from you guys!  When I think about the perfect home or my ideal home or just great design overall I don't think about beauty or flow or color I think about how much fun it would actually be to be in that space.  This house is full of things that you could look at and hear the stories behind.  You would always have something interesting and stimulating around you and your guests will love to be there to take everything in.  I see pictures of pretty matchy rooms with designer furniture and I usually just say "hmm pretty whatever" then I'm distracted by something shiny like jangling keys. 

ALRIGHT BITCHES, WHO'S NEXT?

Things We Save- Katinka

Miss Katinka Pinka sent over her most treasured one of a kind object.  Here's what she has to say:

"i think it used to be an oil lamp that was converted sometime in the 40s [guessing from the cord and plug material] and had been sitting on the nightstand in the guest room at my grandmother's house for as long as i could ever remember. i remember visiting my grandparent's and going to sleep every night looking at the dancing ladies on the base of the lamp, always wondering what their story was. and the green-blue coloring was always soothing to me on hot summer nights...and is now one of my very favorite colors to paint bedrooms with. when my granny passed away about a year ago, this lamp was one of the first things i took back to my house and set on the nightstand in my guestroom..."

As it turns out, from my own (unsolicited) exploring Katinka has a sweet ass etsy shop:

Thanks Katinka!  You were a serendipitious treat my friend, delicious.

What makes your house yours and not someone elses?  What trinket could you never get rid of?  What are those things with zero monetary value that are priceless to you and only you?  I want to know!

Things We Save- Erika

Erika from Urban Grace Interiors is nice enough to share with us her most treasured and sentimental objects.  Sentiment can be attached to something different ways.  The objects can be handed down from family or friends or sometimes something is just a little more special than everything else:

no story, bought it at an antique shop for cheap,
just love it.


"shhhhh" Nurse- no story, just bought her cheap and love her.





Love that they are old, they are not cheesy (like most
new deer heads). Also in that shot the book "How To Build Your Dream House
for less than $3,500" Love it.


My mother's self portrait from her senior year in high school




So who is next?  What are your most treasured or sentimental items?

status update

I'm a little batshit crazy today. I'll have to post more later.

Things we Save

I have mixed emotions about cleaning things out. It's necessary for me to purge on a regular basis. I buy a LOT of shit.  I mean a lot. I didn't say I spend a lot of money.  I spend less than your average bear considering that I have access to 2 vintage/thrift/consignment clothing stores and 4 antique/junk/vintage housewares & object stores within 2 blocks of my apartment with constant merchandise turnover (San Francisco, have I told you lately that I love you)

We're bombarded with websites, magazines, and self-help books about decluttering our lives and releasing ourselves from the hold our possessions have over us.  This is much harder for some people than others.  I have that vintage sweet tooth.  The aesthetic of Satis House...

When collecting massive amounts of vintage objects, art, ephemera, anything you have to check yourself before you wreck yourself.  It's easy to slide into OCD packrat grandma territory. However, NEVER let anyone  convince you to part with your most precious and sentimental souvenirs and treasures.  These are the things that take your house from pottery barn showroom to an actual home for yourself and family.

I'll share with you my two most sentimental possessions.  Now that this blog is getting a little more foot traffic, I want to try to encourage a lot more interaction and community building.  That's why I wanted to start blogging anyways.  I hate the idea of this being the Leslie Show. 

I think it would be really fun to see what your most sentimental possessions are.  The things the feng shui experts would say have no value but are simply non-negotiable every time trash day comes about.  I implore you, if interested, to snap a photo and email it to me with a little story or description!  I can post it anonymously for you if you wish.  I just know each of you is hoarding some sort of old treasure with an interesting story and I WANT IT!





















So here is mine:


















The book is called What a Young Wife Ought to Know by Emma F. Angell Drake, M.D.






















This one was published in 1901 and belonged to my great-grandmother.  My mom's mom's mom.  She wrote this on the inside:














1914 We have been married two years.  March 31, 1914.  Married 1912. 

This is a woman who was only known to me in real life when I was very young and she was Gee-gee and lived in an assisted living home.  I often wonder what it's like to transform into being elderly.  When I'm older and someone's great grandmother I'll still be the same woman who got in fights with cab drivers and whose language could make a sailor blush.  It's our bodies that wear over time, not our spirits.  But by that point it's not likely anyone remembers. 

My great-grandmother had this book as a young wife, excited and scared at her first adventure into adulthood.  I assume from what I know about the early 20th century that she probably didn't have much independence before her marriage and this time in her life was probably extremely exciting.  I also know that this marriage would eventually end in divorce.  I don't know the reasons. 

The most interesting part, to me, is the fact that she marked certain passages in this book.  She probably took the advice given her pretty seriously.  I would make an educated guess that due to decorum, your own mother didn't tell you the gritty details of being a wife.  I'm sure plenty of women had books like these:



















"I have kept young," she replied, "and I know how.  If there has ever been pleasure taken in our family, it is always planned for when I can enjoy it.  In the evening when the cares of the day are over, or when I can get away from the cares at other times."

She has five splendid children, and the promise of a sixth.  She does the larger part of her home work, and yet takes time to keep young.

It rests with you largely, young wives, during the first years of your lives together to fix the habits of our home in the duties of rest and recreation.  Have firm principles about these matters and insist lovingly upon them.




























Every young person should be taught before marriage, that the closest conjugal relation should never be allowed without a willingness on the part of both that pregnancy should follow.  Of course this does not always follow; but allowed with the fear, the dread, the unwillingness that it may result, it becomes a positive sin.  This may seem strong meat, which almost borders on fanaticism, to some; but we are sure when it is considered in the light of the primal object of the marriage relation, it will not be thought fanatical.  The very fact that conception may result at any time, proves that the conjugal relation was not instituted primarily for the gratification of the lower nature, but for procreation.

RMH: The Victorians sure do take a long time to say nothing.





















Left Page
She not merely lightened his cares; she removed them.  She was the first and greatest of those women, who in our times have identified their own career and fame with those of their husbands's.  She showed that no career of the modern woman is more important than that of wifehood, motherhood, and the builder of a home: yet she proved that public life and civic service, can be made sweet and strong, only as the influence of a noble woman is permeating its spirit.  Mr. Gladstone's public life was celebrated for its purity and lofty quality, and in Mrs. Gladstone's devotion and affection we can see the secret of this

Right Page
I remember the advice an aged minister gave to a bride on her wedding day.  "My dear, be always so hospiable that no guest shall leave your home with other than feelings of delight."  She followed this advice to the letter and many times when busy with the cares fo the home, she was interrupted by the advent of an unexpected guest, I have watched with interest the hearty welcome she gave them, and the real gladness she put into their lives by her true hospitality.

The young wife should take not less, but more pains to make herself as attractive after as before marriage.

The gold globe necklace belonged to my great-aunt Elizabeth.  My maternal grandfathers' sister.  A lesbian at a time where it was really not cool to be a lesbian, she spent her life working for the Girl Scouts (heh heh heh) as a nurse in Guam and other locations around the globe.  The globe was a retirement gift. 

WHAT DO YOU CHERISH?  EMAIL ME!

sentimental objects flickr pool